So today was rather interesting. I've been feeling sort of out on my own lately just while I've been taking everything in. It feels like a slight disconnect from a lot of things here. I feel, though, with this handicap I will hopefully be able to better relate with the kids. We are both disconnected almost in a suspended state, unknowing of really how to feel or plant ourselves into this fragile, shifting soil. But it's only really the 5th day here. I want to grow so much while I'm here. I came with a lot of ambition, but now I'm not really sure what it is exactly I'm yearning for. One thing is certain though, I am supposed to be here. This I feel is my pivot until I change orbits. I sat on the dock today alone and just thought to myself. My lack of trust seems to be an ongoing issue. My mind feels like a stew and I'm just stirring the pot looking for the chunks of potatoes. Well maybe not potatoes but I feel like I'm just trying to cut to the chase and figure out what exactly it is I want, when really I should be patient and focus on living in the moment and I don't really even know yet. But as for now, my lack of patience and trust are hindering this great ability to run with the day and figure out who I am by getting rid of my selfish ambitions and forming a translucent skin. Anywho I think that's enough to chew on for one meal.
Posted by Hilary at 6:06 PM